Dream Believers

Category: Health and Wellbeing

Adulting lies we have been told

There are many adulting lies told in various ways to make sure the next generation conforms to what is expected and has happened in previous generations. Adults have been telling children and young adults many things that are simply not true. How you should go through life, what you should or shouldn’t do, expectations, rules etc. A lot of this happens subconsciously, through biases and expectations that have had the most exposure to over their lifetime thus far.
More recent generations are more clued up to this and have been able to go against the grain and do what makes them happy. However, not all individuals have felt able to so I wanted to debunk a few things just for you readers who may need to have a few things shaken up in your mind.
Appearance
The most damaging of adulting lies and what most adverts also still try to implement onto us. There is no one perfect body shape, skin colour, eye colour, hair style, shoe size, nose shape, dress size, or anything else for that matter. You are gorgeous just as you are.
It is your choice how you style/colour your hair. Tattoos and piercings are your choice too. What you wear, how you dress, your perfume, jewellery, fashion statements, every aspect of your appearance in fact. That’s all you. You may be inspired by other people you see in the street, on screen, in magazines or elsewhere but you do not need to conform to anything.
There are no foods you need to ban yourself from having if you enjoy them. Listen to your body, be healthy and stay active but you do not need to restrict yourself (unless it is for health reasons i.e. IBS, IBD, celiac or if you chose to be vegetarian or vegan).
You are beautiful as you are and the clothes you chose should be comfortable enough to wear all day. There are no colours you shouldn’t wear and no styles you shouldn’t experiment with if it boosts your confidence. Being authentically you may help others to feel comfortable enough to be themselves too. Win-win.
Life path
One of the biggest adulting lies I have seen a lot is the life checklist approach. Life is not a set checklist you have to tick off as you go. You only get one chance at life so make sure you are living it not just surviving. Do things that make you happy, go on adventures that make you smile, spend time in nature in a way you want and achieve the milestones you want to achieve.
You get to choose the path you follow, what milestones you want/don’t want to take part in along the way. Unless you want to, you do not have to follow the ‘find your career, a partner, get engaged, get married, buy a house, get a dog and then have children’ route.
Adulting lies about success and money
So many people believe that success is directly corelated to how much money someone earns. I believe is another of the adulting lies that can do a lot of damage. Do some more inward thinking and work out what success means to you.
For some success is how many hours they work or how much money they have in the bank. Others believe that success is how much freedom they have or how happy they are. Some measure success by how much they impact the world in a positive way. Success can mean so many different things to different people.
Career options
You are allowed to change your ideal career.
There, I said it.
Having a career just to be able to afford your home is not something you should do long term, find something that makes you happy and work out how to fit your ideal lifestyle around that. It may take you a while to work out what it is you want to do but when you find it, you’ll know. Then you work your butt off until you make it happen so you can reap the rewards and know how hard you worked to get there. It took me over 5 years from when I realised I wanted to get into events/marketing to finally getting offered a job as a marketing executive but boy was it worth the wait.
If you have no idea what you want to do in your career or how you’d like to make money I would recommend looking at your hobbies. What is it you like to do? Could you earn money through that? Most hobbies can be monetised if you want them to be. Do you want to be your own boss or would you rather have someone as a boss?
There is no limit to the amount of different jobs/careers you can test out. Use each role as a learning experience until you figure out what you want to do, no matter how long that may take. There is also no age limit for making a career move or making big changes in your life. It is your life, do what makes you happy.
Education – adulting lies
There is no single set path. Find out what works for you. If you know the kind of job you want to do that can help you choose. Can you start an apprenticeship straight from GCSE’s? Do you need to go to college or to get A levels? Will you need to achieve a degree, masters or PHD level?
Once you figure that out, research into where you can go for it and make a plan. Again though, this is not something that has an age limit or a set number of attempts/subjects to explore. There seems to be a large amount of people still spreading the adulting lies that everyone should go to university. Not true.
A lot of learning can also be done independently, too I have taught myself many skills through online courses and YouTube videos. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it.
Adulting lies about relationships
How’s the love life? Another aspect of life that seemingly well-intentioned relatives will ask about constantly.
No one should need a partner to be happy. If you want companionship then by all means put yourself out there, go on dates, make connections. I hope you find someone you fall in love with, who treats you right, has the same relationship goals as you and wants to make plans with you then. That is an incredible feeling.
But PLEASE do not settle, and do not feel you have to be in a relationship.
Everyone deserves to have a partner (or multiple) who supports and cares for them if they want that. No ones deserves to be abused in ANY form; physical, sexual, financial, mental, verbal, emotional. Know what you want from a partner and find someone who is not just willing to cooperate, but happy to do so and who will communicate their wishes too.
Many people are happier staying single and that should not be something to scoff at. Having high standards is a great thing too, it means you can see who is more likely to be a perfect fit more easily. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not deserving or worthy of your perfect partner.
It may take a long time to find your partner but when you do it will be worth the wait. Settling for the wrong person can cause serious damage to you in many ways.
Children
Not everyone wants children, not everyone can have children. Stop asking why someone doesn’t have a child. Do not assume people should have kids by a certain age or stage in their relationship. You have no idea if they are having trouble conceiving or if they just don’t want children and it is a very insensitive comment that seems to be something culture have normalised.
If you do not feel ready or if you know you never want any children, you do not have to have them, no matter how much pressure society puts on you.
You do not need to explain your choices to others.
If you want children but cannot do so naturally, please know you have so many options. IVF, donors, surrogates, fostering, adoption. Again research, ask for guidance from family planning professionals and know you are not alone in your struggles.
Pets
Do you want a pet? Do you know how to look after a pet? Are you doing it to follow a trend or because everyone else has one or is it something you genuinely want in your life? Firstly, research the pet you want to make sure you can look after it, train it and give it the best life that it deserves. Secondly, you don’t just have the options of cats and dogs, you could get rabbits, reptiles, arachnids, fish, hamsters, gerbils, rats, farm animals, horses, insects, hedgehogs etc etc etc. There are SO many options. Pick the most suitable depending on your budget, living space, life style, location and what you are wanting from the pet.
Friendships
It is very rare that you will have the same friends in school as you do as an adult. Sadly through life you may lose a lot of your friends. This is something that happens naturally. However, knowing that does not make it any easier to lose someone. You may drift apart or move away. People change and this may cause friction. Just remember new people will enter your life as well as those leaving it.
I hear it a lot that we are all the culmination of the 5 people we spend the most time with so make sure you are happy with your five and that they are going to help you grow towards your goals, if not you may have to spend less time with some of them and spend more time with mentors or those who can help you. This may seem selfish but when it comes to creating your dream life, you kind of have to be. Just don’t be a dick about it.
What lies have you been told that you have proven wrong? How close to achieving your dreams are you since learning it was a lie?
I hope this post helped to encourage you to be your authentic self. You are the only one who can be you and that is a wonderful thing.

7 August 2021
Morning Routines
Today I wanted to write a blog about morning routines. Almost every self development book I have read and podcast I have listened to talks about the importance of having a great routine for when you get up as it can set up your day in a very positive way when done well.
Over the last 3 months I have started to implement more and more elements into my routines. Both my mornings and evenings. I will be honest, sometimes it doesn’t go according to my list. I’ve only had a few days where I have managed 100%. However, it takes a while to get into/out of habits and I am learning to be kinder to myself. It all requires patience.
Lots of motivational speakers say habits take 21 days to form (or break if cutting out bad habits) but in a lot of cases it can take longer. I was listening to a podcast the other day which said on average it takes a person over 60 days to establish a habit fully. The plan is just to take it one step at a time, measure my progress and observe the differences.
At the moment my morning routines (on a good day) consist of:
- Waking up
- Getting dressed for the day
- Drinking some water (plus the ‘glow shot’ trio from Arbonne but I ran out recently and haven’t reodered yet)
- Meditating for 10 minutes
- Affirmations
- Eating breakfast
- Reading for 10-15 minutes – either The Happy News or a self development book
- Writing in my gratitude journal
- Preparing lunch and drinks for the day (on work days)
- Get the bus to work and listen to podcasts on the journey
What are your current morning routines?
My original plan also involved exercise, showering and visualisations in the morning but I’ve not started getting up early enough for those additions yet. I am not a morning person so I’m easing myself in gradually to earlier and earlier mornings.
A huge influence on my want to have such a productive and positive start to my day was reading Hal Elrod’s Miracle Morning, and hearing so many of the self development podcasts talk about it as well. The biggest element of the book is about his life ‘S.A.V.E.R.S’ – Silence, Affirmations, Visualisations, Exercise, Reading and Scribing/writing.
Do you already have any of these things in your daily routines?
Visualisations is still something I haven’t really got my head around. If you have any tips or examples, please let me know.
If you have read my other posts you may have guessed by now that I love reading self development books and listening to podcasts. I would love your recommendations.
Also let me know if you start implementing any of these morning routines, if they have made a difference to your days or your mental attitude and what other inspirations have helped you get closer to living your dream life.
31 July 2021
Aspirations for my future

Future aspirations – putting them out into the universe
Several of the books and podcasts I’ve been reading/listening to recently have mentioned ways to help you achieve your future aspirations. How to live the life you want. I am always willing to have a look how a dream life becomes a reality. Something that was mentioned in most, is the notion of speaking your dreams out into the universe. To be specific in what you want out of life and why. However, you don’t need to know the full story of how, the universe will help you along the way.
As a believer in faith I have always liked this idea. The idea that everything is possible you just have to find the right way of attracting it. A lot of authors and coaches have mentioned that ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’. It also seems to be true to find your life’s calling as well.
Visualising your dreams/future aspirations isn’t going to be enough though. Sadly reading your paragraph about your ideal life every day isn’t going to make it happen.
Can you imagine if that’s all it took? Not quite sure if that would be a good thing or not…
According to the books you have to believe your dream life is already yours. You have to live as if you have already achieved it. Take active steps to get closer to it but keep asking the universe for added assistance as well. The universe may have a better route planned out for you. However, you won’t know unless you give it a try.
Take time to work out what it is you really want out of life and why. Write it down. Tell people. Hold yourself accountable to achieve these dreams. Watch as they come into fruition. I doubt it will be a fast transition, but patience is a virtue after all. All good things come to those who wait (as long as you’re working towards it at the same time). Find your middle ground between wishing on a star and living just to work (think Princess and the Frog).
With all of this in mind I thought I should put my dreams out there. Hold myself accountable. Speak it into the universe and post it to the world wide web. Here goes…
Future employment aspirations
I am a self-employed events planner. Working from home most of the time but networking and attending meetings where it needs to be in person. I have a small team of amazing people around me and a network of incredible businesses and individuals whom I work with regularly. My hours are flexible. I can support my family and take time off when needed. Travelling around the world is a keen hobby of mine. Due to this flexibility I can keep on top of my physical and mental health, this means I am in the best shape to be able to help others.
We mostly cater for weddings but we also plan other celebrations and both private and public events too. Wedding season we are super busy. In the quieter months I use the down time to meet up with new businesses trying to make their way in the world to add to my network. This gives my clients more options and it allows me to expand my network across the UK.
Starting off with the connections I already had in South Wales and the London area, that’s where my initial events were based. As my business grew we were able to start planning events across England and Wales and eventually spread to parts of Scotland and Northern Ireland as well.
My website attracts a high number of visitors every month. Our calendar is booked at least a year in advance in most cases. I have created several online courses, e-books and other products which have proven popular. I am making enough money to pay for home improvements, more holidays and save for my children’s futures. Having my own business has enabled me to support my extended family as well, I have helped them achieve their dreams too.
Future housing aspirations
We live in the country, in a very cosy, yet modern country home. Log cabin-esque on the outside but lots of character on the inside with all the mod cons. We have a huge open hearth in the living room, a shaggy rug and sofas you can lounge on for hours. Due to my kind of employment there is a study/work room in the house. Because of my love of music and to fuel my need to continue singing there is a soundproofed music room as well.
How many of you dream of living somewhere like this?
Outside there are several ‘zones’ of land. We have an allotment where we grow most of our own fruit, vegetables and herbs. A tranquillity garden with a water feature in the middle. There is a lake that runs along the back of our house, we use the water for the gardens and animals and can filter it for our own consumption if we want to. We have noticed a few fish swimming through on a few occasions so we could also catch our dinner too. It’s fun to paddle your feet in and we have had many river days in the summers.
Wildflowers, foxgloves and a willow tree grow in our wildlife garden (among other things). There are bug houses, drinking areas, bird feeders and all sorts to encourage wildlife.
Future family aspirations
I have two children and a loving partner who supports me in my self-employment and constant need to improve my business. We have a dog, two cats and a few chickens. I am tempted to start rearing goats and pigs too but will see what happens there. For many years I have loved the idea of being self sufficient, our home has helped me start that journey.
The children have been very hands on and curious about our allotment and wildlife areas. Both have been active in helping me maintain them since they were very little.
We are able to go on at least two holidays a year and have managed to visit somewhere on every continent. Learning about how other people live and experiencing the different cultures around the world has been incredible. Showing the children first-hand the infinite possibilities they have access to, and seeing how far their imagination and ambition can go, is another wonderful feeling.
My why
After reading what I visualise, you may not see the true reasons behind it. Ultimately? Health and motherhood.
I want to have a healthy relationship with my work, mind, body and my loved ones. Having the ambition to go after what I need out of life and to move forward despite hardships and daily mental battles, I think, would be a great example for my children as well as others around me. This in turn motivates me to make it a reality.
For me to have a healthy relationship with work I need to be able to work flexibly. To have the ability to spend as much time with my family as possible. Take time for my mental health when needed. Be able to go on regular holidays. Creating a healthier work-life balance. Knowing when my own energy needs topping up and when I can help others with theirs.
Having my own business will make this difficult initially due to the huge investments of time, money and energy, I know this. Further down the line it may be difficult as everything will be my responsibility, but that is why I have started my journey now. It gives me time to set up a fledgling business and for it to grow at its own pace. Then I can start hiring my team.
I plan to be working remotely so will be at home with my family and be there when they need me. Hopefully I can have a fully developed business and a small team underneath me before my children grow up too much.
Motherhood
I have always wanted to be a mum. This has been what I’ve believed to be my main purpose in life for many years. Becoming a mum doesn’t necessarily mean the traditional route of getting pregnant and physically bringing new life into the world. There are many different ways a person can become a parent. The universe can decide the best method for me and when the time is right, but I know that it will happen.
I have not written down what kind of parent I will be. In my opinion it will depend on when and how I become a parent, who is supporting me and what each child is like. Also, I see so many videos comparing what people thought they would be like as parents. It is often vastly different from what ended up happening, so I’m going to let that element decide for itself too.
Wanderlust
The last part of my why is travel. I have always longed to explore the world and experience new cultures. Travelling opens your mind, helps your attitude of gratitude and is a great source of knowledge. I’ve always wanted to see as much of the world as possible and to experience that alongside my partner and our children would be an amazing feeling.
My aspirations for the future and the goals I have, I believe, will help my mental health, my self belief and confidence. Plus the more cultures, life styles, people and ideas I can observe and learn about (and from), the more influences I can choose from in the events I create for my clients.
Do you have goals set for your future? What do you visualise? What are your reasons why?

5 March 2021