Dream Believers

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  • Happy New Year (2022)

    Happy New Year!

    You and I have officially made it through 2020 and 2021 – the pandemic years. We’re now several days into the year 2022 and most people are getting ready to return to work, or have already started. Hopefully, you were able to take some kind of break over the festive period to recharge.

    I have hope that this is the year we can start getting back to some kind of normality. What does a new year mean to you?

    Has the pandemic changed its meaning?

    These last couple of years have been difficult, strange and often unrelenting. We have lost so many people and, due to restrictions, may not have been able to say the goodbyes we needed to say.

    The pandemic has been a time for many to be able to slow down and reconsider what they want from their lives, rediscover their passions and reconnect with loved ones.

    With this in mind, I wonder if the pandemic has changed how you feel about the transition into 2022. If your hopes for the next 12 months have a different feel to the hopes you had in 2019 and before.

    Resolutions and goals for a new year

    Many people are still setting their yearly goals and resolutions, but they seem different this year. They seem to be more connected, more meaningful. The why behind the goals seems more pertinent.

    Why do changes have to wait for a Monday, or the 1st of the month, or at each new year though? Age is just a number, time is as important or unimportant as you make it. Nothing stops anyone from making changes at any time, but we always seem to put things off until the next week/month/year depending on how daunting it may be.

    I don’t know what it is, but each new year seems like a new week or month on steroids. So much pressure. Many people go crazy thinking about how much their lives are going to change because it’s January 1st. Are they going to put the effort in to make these changes happen though? Do they have a strong enough reason why so that they don’t give up on the first hurdle? As the year rolls on it is soon easy to see.

    Starting a project?

    I am one of those people who make countless to-do lists throughout the years. Big goals for the future but never seem to get much closer each time the next countdown at nye comes back around.

    Celebrating the small wins throughout the year is so important. There’s always that little voice saying “I wish I’d accomplished more”. So much time spent thinking and not enough time doing. I’m determined for that to change, at least a little, for this new year.

    For lots of people, a new year is the push they need to start a business or learn a new skill.

    We set ourselves huge challenges!

    My wish for you is that you are able to carry it through until you create/achieve/earn what you have been working toward.

    What does this new year have instore for you?

    My biggest resolutions this year are to do with travel. I haven’t been outside of the UK in over 2 years and I’ve not ventured far from my home within that time either. There are several places on my travel bucket list but I’m hoping to tick off at least 3 over this year.

    Other than the travel goals, I aim to;

    • Move house in 2022
    • Get a pet in 2023
    • Become self-employed in 2024
    • Be debt-free in 2025 and start my journey of motherhood
    What are your big goals? I’d love to know.

    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and NYE as well as a relaxing break.

    Wishing you the best for 2022, I hope your drive and determination help you to keep dreaming, and make those dreams your new reality.

  • Be kind

    Something a little different today, but a message I feel is important on the journey to self-employment, self-improvement or any advancement. What happens around us, to us and the way we treat ourselves has such a huge impact on so many things within our day to day lives. The world would be a much nicer place if everyone remembered to be kind.

    Following the death of Caroline Flack #BeKind was everywhere. However, it didn’t take long for people to forget the be kind movement. I for one, think kindness can make a huge difference in our own lives, and the lives of others. We should all show kindness in our daily lives and here’s a little info on how.

    Be kind to strangers

    On your commute to work, going to visit friends and family, going shopping, going out for a meal, on holiday. There are so many places where we will see or interact with strangers. Very few of these strangers will feel comfortable divulging their life stories or current struggles. We will never know the full amount of pain, challenges or struggles those around us are going through.

    You may not be able to actively help a stranger or pay things forward. However, consciously making the effort to not make things harder can go a long way. When interacting with retail or hospitality staff (or any workers really) remember that they are human. Has a mistake been made? Point it out calmly and they may be able to help. If you are rude, if you shout at the staff or blame them and make it personal they will be a lot less willing to fix the problem. In some cases, you may even end up in a worse situation than you started or get kicked out of the establishment.

    Make things easier for you and those around you by choosing kindness. It can help in so many situations.

    To your support network

    Those around us who we trust and can confide in have a huge role to play in our lives. They help to guide us, give advice and support us on our road to becoming the people we dream of. However, as much as it is great to have the ability to turn to someone at any time without judgement, have you checked on their needs? Are their needs being met as well? Do they have things they need to get off their chests? Have you made sure they have the capacity to take on what you are hoping to offload onto them?

    Having a support network is a fantastic thing! They can help, support, guide, advise, teach, and reassure you. But, they are people too, they have boundaries and limits. Make sure you are looking after these gems. Discuss your boundaries and needs. Help them address their issues as well as asking them to help with yours.

    Be kind to your body

    Our bodies do so much for us without even needing to think about it. Some people have physical ailments that they may need support with. Others may rely on machines to keep them alive or to give them independence. Whatever the situation though, our bodies and the journey to existence are miraculous. There is such a small chance of each and every one of us existing.

    Apparently, there’s a 1 in 400 trillion chance of you even being born. The specific individual that is you, with all of your quirks, flaws, interests, curves, markings etc. Even if you are an identical twin no one will ever be the exact same as you. You are one of a kind, I’d say that is quite an amazing miracle.

    Each day be thankful for all your body CAN do, rather than judging it for things it has not learned yet or struggles with. Admire your body for the wonderful things it does for you rather than comparing it to photoshopped and filtered images and thinking of all the ways you have decided it is inadequate. Treat your body with kindess and respect. Treat other people’s bodies with kindness and respect.

    To your mind

    Metal health and wellbeing is something a lot of people (including myself) struggle with. There is such a scale of mental health conditions that we are aware of nowadays. So many kinds of treatment and support available. The importance of mental health is finally (albeit slowly) being realised. Keeping your mind healthy is as important as keeping your body healthy.

    With this in mind, watch what is being put into your mind. Keep an eye on your internal dialogue, intrusive thoughts and how you see yourself. It’s amazing how much difference a more positive way of speaking to ourselves can have on all sorts of areas of our lives. You are an incredible person, worthy of incredible things. Once you start realising this, knowing your worth, speaking positively about yourself and your potential there is no limit to what you can achieve.

    In short, choose love, acceptance and kindness above all every day. You might be surprised how much of an impact small acts of kindness and changes to a more positive attitude can have on you, your life and those around you.

    Keep believing x

  • Know your limits

    It is often difficult to know your limits (or at least stay within them). When starting a business or new project it is no different. Saying yes to everything, responding to everyone within a few minutes so you get more sales seems tempting. All this does is push you to exhaustion. You do not need to burn out for your business/project to be successful!

    You want to please everyone, sort things instantly and still maintain an active social calendar. This is a very tricky path to follow whilst also meeting your own needs. A lot of people find the word ‘no’ a challenge. Please know that you do not have to say yes to everything for people to love you. You are never going to be able to please everyone, and that’s ok. Know your limits, and make sure you keep them in check.

    The pressure of perfection

    We are all put under a lot of pressure to be able to juggle everything in life without dropping something. However, we are not superhuman. We all need rest, time to recharge and to not be made to feel guilty for our choices or priorities. No one is able to do everything to the best of their ability, all of the time. Something will always have to take precedent. Prioritising tasks is paramount. Choosing the things to sacrifice is down to your decisions. Find your own balance, know your limits and don’t compare your successes to other people’s.

    Make time for yourself. Set up routines. Create a timetable – one that you then actually stick to. Separate work time from personal time, time with family and friends and recharging time. Ask for help when you need it. Use the skills of those around you.

    Every person needs time to recharge, time to themselves and time away. It’s also a good idea to make sure you schedule in time to meet up or check in with your support network. Whether it is a weekend away with your nearest and dearest, a coffee break, brunch date, spa day, a day trip with your family or a month-long holiday to another country.

    Boundaries

    As well as knowing your limits in regards to how much you can take on, establishing boundaries is also highly important. Making sure that those around you know your limits and respect them. It may be difficult for some of your friends and family. You may have to miss birthdays and other celebrations. There might be some else to prioritise within your business. You may not have the energy when the scheduled meet up arrives.

    Those who understand the importance of self care, boundaries and your journey to self improvement are most likely to understand your needs and boundaries. Others may not be so understanding. Know your limits, know your worth. Be patient, be kind. Have faith in yourself and maintain your boundaries. Stay strong and stay focused on your goals. Most importantly remember your reason why and visualise it daily.

    There will be lots of challenges along the way of any journey, but with a strong why and the determination to succeed you can do anything.

    Keep believing x

  • Pre- homeownership tips

    You’ve started the very, very first things you need to consider on your homeownership journey. Now you can move on to the things that really make you feel like a “proper” adult.

    • Finding the right estate agent
    • Finding the right mortgage broker
    • Searching for the perfect property

    As I mentioned in my previous blog, having people around you who have newly purchased a property (or who are also looking), can be very beneficial to you. Especially if they’re looking or bought in a similar area.

    Recommendations for good mortgage brokers and estate agents are priceless. Having a great team of helpful individuals can help lower the stress of buying a property. Make use of your network of knowledge, ask for help, advice and information from everywhere you can get it. Homeownership is a tricky milestone to complete but will be so worth it when you have your own home.

    Unfortunately, I cannot help you much more with this side of things. This part is mostly down to specifics e.g. location, budget, and property details. However, with the right people around you and a deep Google search, I am positive you can navigate this step successfully and be another step closer to the life you deserve.

    After all the legal things, mortgage brokers, property searches and viewings. Going through all the additional charges, contracts and small print. Then there are some other things I recommend looking into before you pick up your keys.

    • home and contents insurance
    • life insurance
    • furniture
    • home furnishings
    • internet
    • electric
    • gas
    • water
    • starting the address change process

    Hopefully, this short blog entry has given you food for thought. That it helps you to get closer to the life you imagine and manifest for yourself. You are worthy of living your dream life, so keep on dream believing.

  • Property viewing tips

    Whether you are looking to buy or rent, the property viewing stage is crucial. So, to make sure you make the right decision and say yes to a property that will work for you, here are some tips from me:

    Where to start

    The main way you’ll be searching for properties will probably be through online sites including Zoopla, Rightmove and Prime Location. Or you may receive recommendations from estate agents you connect with. Either way, take the images ‘with a pinch of salt’, more as a guideline of what you will truly see.

    Often photos make the property look bigger/smaller. They may not be up to date images, many will keep using images that were taken for a previous advert. Viewing a property is the only way to get really clear about it in your mind. However, this can be a very long process. Stay strong. If there are certain features on your ‘must have’ list or locations you want to stick to, make sure you are not wasting your own time by viewing properties outside of these. When it’s been a while since your search started, it can be disheartening that you’ve not found a great place yet but stick it out, the right place is waiting for you.

    Preparing for a property viewing

    When you’ve found somewhere in the right area, has all you’re looking for and you set up a viewing, the next stage is research. Look at the immediate area, do a Google Earth search. Check how close the property is to the shops and services you want close by. Is there a rating online? Is it easy to get to? Work out how you will get to the viewing and back. Research into your potential commute to work/school. Find out more about the specific area and what it has to offer.

    The day of the property viewing

    Firstly, I recommend taking someone else with you, even if you’ll be living on your own in the property, having additional pairs of eyes looking at the property can be very useful.

    Try to get there a little early so you can scout the area out in person and get more of a feel for the place.

    Don’t rush, so many people just whizz around the property and are done in record-breaking time. Take it seriously. Check everything, look at everything. Are there any problems you foresee or things already not quite right? Also:

    • Check the walls for damp/mould
    • Check the water pressure
    • Is it a gas or electric oven/hob?
    • How is the property heated?
    • Parking
    • Storage
    • Number of plug sockets
    • Amount of wall space
    • Will your belonging fit through the door frames? Up the stairwells?
    • Check the seals around taps, baths, showers, sinks and piping
    • Are their gaps around the windows?
    • Are the windows single or double glazed?
    • Is there much noise coming from neighbours? Traffic outside?
    • TV/internet connection points
    • Does it still have your ‘must have’ features?

    What to ask the estate agents

    • (If leasehold/renting) Who manages the property?
    • (If renting) What is the landlord/lady like?
    • Insight into the area, nearby services, neighbours if they have sold multiple properties in the area

    Small print

    • Leasehold vs freehold
    • Are you allowed pets?
    • Hidden charges
    • Ground rent
    • Service charges
    • Parking permits

    Ultimately, there will always be something in the small print of a contract. Just make sure it’s something you are aware of, looking out for, and that it won’t come back to haunt you later down the line.

    When you find the place, then the real hard work starts… Good luck.

    I hope you are taking steps each day to create your dream life and believing in its existence.

  • My Spring reads & Summer reads of 2021

    My spring reads, but also the books I read up until August 2021. Pre-warning, for some reason this seasons books had quite ‘colourful’ titles. The messages within though were powerful and I wanted to share them with you.

    I will choose books with less aggressive titles for my next list. I already have a few lined up. However, this is my Spring-Summer reads posts so…

    What were my spring reads?

    In all honesty, not much. I ended up having to move house and change jobs in May. Most of spring was spent getting store room and van hire quotes, packing, unpacking, address changes, stressing about money and lack of space, job applications, interviews, organising and celebrating my 30th birthday and lots of other life distractions. There was some good stuff too like baking, moving to London, finding a new job which I started in July, seeing friends and family both virtually and FINALLY a few actually in person. However, this has meant that reading has taken a back seat for a while, I managed to squeeze in the reading of a few books to completion in between though.

    Those chosen few were:

    The subtle art of not giving a f**k

    The Mark Manson book that I had heard so much about, so I gave it a go. Its secondary title is ‘a counterintuitive approach to living a good life’. If you do not like expletives I would not recommend this book to you as they feature frequently throughout the text. However, if like me it does not faze you the messages within the swearing is quite thought provoking.

    Mark Manson discusses; our habits as communities and individuals, how we care too much about a lot of things, vulnerability, failure, relationships, connection, how to choose what to care about and why we should, common problems, ‘disappointment panda’, unhealthy mindsets, self-awareness, our values, choices, rejection, boundaries and so many other topics.

    The book is just over 200 pages long, but I had to read it in sections to be able to digest what I was reading along the way. I wanted to make sure I was processing it all as I read rather than devouring the whole text and getting overwhelmed. It challenges a lot of what most people would probably include in a column of ‘what is normal’.

    I would definitely recommend this book.

    Everything is f*cked

    A second book by Mark Manson, this one is ‘A book about hope’. As with his first, this book features the ‘f’ bomb quite heavily, but not as often as in ‘the subtle art’. A big chunk of part 1 of this book covers religion, spirituality and belief systems in a slightly unusual way which threw me off a little but it gets back on track. It also discusses ‘the uncomfortable truth’, the fight between our feeling brains and thinking brains, Nietzsche, Greek mythology and more. Part 2 talks about Kant, Einstein, the differences between child, adolescent and adult mindsets, personal growth, maturity, freedom (and not in the way you might think), pain, the pursuit of happiness, Quang Duc and Vietnam, antifragility, meditation, fake news, Edward Bernays, Freud, money, feelings, marketing, Plato, AI, algorithms and his own hopes for the future.

    This book is less than 250 pages long (if you don’t read the acknowledgments, footnotes etc) and it took me a long time to read it. Mostly due to not finding the time, but I didn’t find part 1 as engaging as the first book if I’m being completely honest. However, part 2 I got through quite quickly as it was more my style of writing. Lots of things to think about and reflect on. There are also lots of philosophers I feel I should research into more.

    A good read but not as highly recommended as his first book.

    You are a badass at making money

    Part of a collection by Jen Sincero which I so far really enjoy. My first experience of these books was the ‘you are a badass’ which was included in my winter reads post. The way in which Jen writes is like she is having a conversation with you, it feels direct but informal which I love. There are examples of how other people have succeeded and quotes interspersed throughout the book.

    This book is all about improving your relationship with money. Learning your subconscious negative bias towards it and why you think in that way. Techniques on how to find out your negative money talk and how to overcome it. There are mantras, case studies, success stories, quotes, and a bit of light homework at the end of each chapter.

    Out of the books I’ve read in these seasons, this is by far my favourite. I read it in the quickest time and didn’t feel like I wanted to give up on it like I had moments of in most of the other books.

    All of these books I read on kindle which I always find a bit strange. I much prefer reading from paper copies and physically turning the pages rather than swiping through but the messages still got through to me. Having mostly unpacked now (and after buying a few more books as a payday treat) I have access to physical books again. I started on my collection of physical self development books as soon as I finished the kindle ones above. I’ll be going through some of those in the next instalment of my seasonal reads at the end of autumn (this year is flying by so quickly!)

    What were your spring reads/summer reads?

    What books have you read so far this year that you would recommend? Are you a fan of self help books?

    What books have helped you get/keep on track to pursue your dreams?

    I hope the perfect book comes to you soon to help you on your way to your dream life.

  • What is manifestation

    What is manifestation

    Unlike what some people think, manifestation is not sitting on the floor surrounded by candles and thinking things into existence.

    Manifestation at it’s basic level, in my understanding, is having a positive mindset, setting goals and taking the right actions to make them happen. There are a lot of people who refuse to believe in this kind of things. They will say that it does not work or that the results are because of other things.

    I, however, am on the side of the believer. Growing up in a religious family I have always had faith in a higher being. Not necessarily that of God, but something with a higher power, guiding us through life. This does not mean I do not work hard or feel entitled to things. I just know that the world is on my side when I am in the right mindset. Therefore, I am more likely to be guided onto the right path to the life of my dreams.

    How does manifestation work?

    Manifestation requires focus. It requires belief in yourself, and in the universe/God/whatever higher power you choose to believe in. Meditation, affirmations, visualisation, creating vision boards – these can all help. The main ingredient though, is a positive mindset and concrete goals to work towards. Over the last few months I have been changing up my morning routine to get as much positivity into my body and mindset as I can, and so far it’s been helping quite a bit.

    How has manifestation helped me?

    In April 2021 I left my job, my house in Abertillery and moved to London to live with my boyfriend. Unemployment was tough, especially on my mindset and bank balance. Although I had no income from work I still had a lot of the same outgoings. Luckily the household bills were covered by my generous partner, but my own expense (car, phone etc) still had to be paid.

    I was manifesting my perfect job and for financial stability. In the first month I had a very nice tax rebate which was owed to me from a few years back but was never processed (what are the odds of this perfect timing). After applying for 100’s of jobs via the various job searching sites, employment agencies, interview preparation, a few misleading offers of employment that made me focus even harder on what I wanted from employment and lots of research, I was offered an interview for a role that would incorporate digital marketing, traditional marketing, social media and events (my desired combination) and I GOT IT! I got the job, I started in the July and I am loving it.

    An attitude of gratitude

    Gratitude and being thankful for all the opportunities that are presented to you is also a great way of receiving further support down the line. Remaining positive, knowing the steps you need to take. Know your why and some options of how but do not turn down unexpected routes. It may be a great way to end up being fast tracked to the life you deserve. Take risks, believe in yourself, trust that the universe has your back.

    In the 4 months that I have been focusing more on manifestation I have;

    • Landed the job I asked for, that most employers said I was not qualified for
    • Got promoted before I even started the role
    • Had a huge increase in my credit score
    • Had free gifts from companies I’ve been shopping with for years and not had rewards from before
    • My self confidence and self belief has increased
    • My imposter syndrome and anxiety has lessened, as have the amount of my depressive episodes

    It has not been easy by any means. I wake up earlier than I ever used to in order to make these changes. I have been focusing harder on my goals and the various ways in which I can achieve them. There is still work to do but I am feeling thankful for the progress I have already made and for the actions I will be making in the near future.

    Struggling to manifest?

    If you struggle keeping yourself focused on your goals, why not ask a friend or someone who has already achieved what you aim for to be an accountability partner. You could even form a group to support each other. Reading books about those who have achieved what you are looking to do can help. Self development books and podcasts have helped me to upgrade my mindset too.

    What does manifestation mean to you? How do you manifest in your daily lives? How has it helped you or someone you know?

    Thank you for reading this post, I appreciate every one of you. I hope that today you are able to get another step closer to your dream life.

  • My evening routine; how it started and how it’s going

    My evening routine; how it started and how it’s going

    For some reason my evening routine has been so much harder to implement and maintain than my morning routine. However, my morning routine still isn’t 100% every day either. I’m not sure if it’s because I have more time to do the tasks in the evening so end up distracting myself more or if it’s because my energy is so low later in the day or something else.

    My aim for my evening routine was initially just to be able to go to bed at the same time each night. 11pm was meant to be my cut off. There were then lots of other things I wanted to fit into my day as well, to feel more productive and achieve more of my goals, visualisations and manifestations. In the end I came up with a list of things I wanted to do every day after work.

    My intended list:

    • Exercise
    • Daily chores
    • Blog writing and planning future posts
    • Check blogging and social media strategies, check deadlines and complete any required tasks
    • Check calendar for following day
    • Cook and eat dinner
    • Prepare lunch if not home the next day
    • Watch some TV
    • Check front door is locked and chain is on
    • Cleanse, tone and moisturise my face
    • Clean my teeth
    • Check alarms are set for following day
    • 10+ minutes on Duolingo – I’ve been learning welsh for nearly a year now
    • Read
    • Activate sleep monitoring app
    • Try to stop my mind from spinning
    • Sleep for 7-8 hours

    How it started

    I started out by writing these tasks down on a piece of paper which lives on my desk. However, I am only at my desk a few days a week and rarely in the evenings when the routine would be starting. Good intention, not so good in practice.

    Another weakness of my evening routine was the fact I thought I would know it off by heart. As I had created the list of tasks and worked out most of the timings it should come naturally, right? Sadly not.

    Turns out when I get home from work (currently doing blended working, office 2 or 3 days a week, the rest wfh finishing at 5:30) after my 50 minute commute I don’t always have much energy. I have the intention of having a 5 minute sit down with a cuppa and a scroll through social media. The next thing I know, it’s 8pm and I’ve missed out on a lot of my evening – oops.

    How my evening routine is going

    After a couple of months of having more ‘incomplete’ evenings than fully successful ones, I have a new plan.

    Firstly, I have decided to be more patient and understanding with myself. After years of either no routines or very different routines, these adjustments will take time. Berating myself or getting frustrated will not help me to progress.

    Secondly, I am cutting down on some of the tasks, or alternating them between days so my days are not always so full-on while I’m adjusting. Gradually then building up to be able to accomplish all tasks, every day.

    Thirdly, for the main items I know I definitely want to do each and every day I have labelled alarms on my phone. That way if I get distracted by social media, accidently fall asleep or loose track of time another way, those key items won’t be missed.

    One of these said reminders is an alarm at 10pm to start winding down for bed. Recently I have been going to sleep later and later due to distractions or starting my routine later than I should. Now I have reminders to cook dinner, read my books, learn Welsh, get ready for bed and for exercising. I have been doing this system for a couple of weeks now and seems to be helping. Yaaay.

    Do you have after work routines? What measures have you put in place to help you stick to them?

    I hope you are getting closer to living your dream life, one step and one day at a time. We can do it!

  • Adulting lies we have been told

    Adulting lies we have been told

    There are many adulting lies told in various ways to make sure the next generation conforms to what is expected and has happened in previous generations. Adults have been telling children and young adults many things that are simply not true. How you should go through life, what you should or shouldn’t do, expectations, rules etc. A lot of this happens subconsciously, through biases and expectations that have had the most exposure to over their lifetime thus far.

    More recent generations are more clued up to this and have been able to go against the grain and do what makes them happy. However, not all individuals have felt able to so I wanted to debunk a few things just for you readers who may need to have a few things shaken up in your mind.

    Appearance

    The most damaging of adulting lies and what most adverts also still try to implement onto us. There is no one perfect body shape, skin colour, eye colour, hair style, shoe size, nose shape, dress size, or anything else for that matter. You are gorgeous just as you are.

    It is your choice how you style/colour your hair. Tattoos and piercings are your choice too. What you wear, how you dress, your perfume, jewellery, fashion statements, every aspect of your appearance in fact. That’s all you. You may be inspired by other people you see in the street, on screen, in magazines or elsewhere but you do not need to conform to anything.

    There are no foods you need to ban yourself from having if you enjoy them. Listen to your body, be healthy and stay active but you do not need to restrict yourself (unless it is for health reasons i.e. IBS, IBD, celiac or if you chose to be vegetarian or vegan).

    You are beautiful as you are and the clothes you chose should be comfortable enough to wear all day. There are no colours you shouldn’t wear and no styles you shouldn’t experiment with if it boosts your confidence. Being authentically you may help others to feel comfortable enough to be themselves too. Win-win.

    Life path

    One of the biggest adulting lies I have seen a lot is the life checklist approach. Life is not a set checklist you have to tick off as you go. You only get one chance at life so make sure you are living it not just surviving. Do things that make you happy, go on adventures that make you smile, spend time in nature in a way you want and achieve the milestones you want to achieve.

    You get to choose the path you follow, what milestones you want/don’t want to take part in along the way. Unless you want to, you do not have to follow the ‘find your career, a partner, get engaged, get married, buy a house, get a dog and then have children’ route.

    Adulting lies about success and money

    So many people believe that success is directly corelated to how much money someone earns. I believe is another of the adulting lies that can do a lot of damage. Do some more inward thinking and work out what success means to you.

    For some success is how many hours they work or how much money they have in the bank. Others believe that success is how much freedom they have or how happy they are. Some measure success by how much they impact the world in a positive way. Success can mean so many different things to different people.

    Career options

    You are allowed to change your ideal career.

    There, I said it.

    Having a career just to be able to afford your home is not something you should do long term, find something that makes you happy and work out how to fit your ideal lifestyle around that. It may take you a while to work out what it is you want to do but when you find it, you’ll know. Then you work your butt off until you make it happen so you can reap the rewards and know how hard you worked to get there. It took me over 5 years from when I realised I wanted to get into events/marketing to finally getting offered a job as a marketing executive but boy was it worth the wait.

    If you have no idea what you want to do in your career or how you’d like to make money I would recommend looking at your hobbies. What is it you like to do? Could you earn money through that? Most hobbies can be monetised if you want them to be. Do you want to be your own boss or would you rather have someone as a boss?

    There is no limit to the amount of different jobs/careers you can test out. Use each role as a learning experience until you figure out what you want to do, no matter how long that may take. There is also no age limit for making a career move or making big changes in your life. It is your life, do what makes you happy.

    Education – adulting lies

    There is no single set path. Find out what works for you. If you know the kind of job you want to do that can help you choose. Can you start an apprenticeship straight from GCSE’s? Do you need to go to college or to get A levels? Will you need to achieve a degree, masters or PHD level?

    Once you figure that out, research into where you can go for it and make a plan. Again though, this is not something that has an age limit or a set number of attempts/subjects to explore. There seems to be a large amount of people still spreading the adulting lies that everyone should go to university. Not true.

    A lot of learning can also be done independently, too I have taught myself many skills through online courses and YouTube videos. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it.

    Adulting lies about relationships

    How’s the love life? Another aspect of life that seemingly well-intentioned relatives will ask about constantly.

    No one should need a partner to be happy. If you want companionship then by all means put yourself out there, go on dates, make connections. I hope you find someone you fall in love with, who treats you right, has the same relationship goals as you and wants to make plans with you then. That is an incredible feeling.

    But PLEASE do not settle, and do not feel you have to be in a relationship.

    Everyone deserves to have a partner (or multiple) who supports and cares for them if they want that. No ones deserves to be abused in ANY form; physical, sexual, financial, mental, verbal, emotional. Know what you want from a partner and find someone who is not just willing to cooperate, but happy to do so and who will communicate their wishes too.

    Many people are happier staying single and that should not be something to scoff at. Having high standards is a great thing too, it means you can see who is more likely to be a perfect fit more easily. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not deserving or worthy of your perfect partner.

    It may take a long time to find your partner but when you do it will be worth the wait. Settling for the wrong person can cause serious damage to you in many ways.

    Children

    Not everyone wants children, not everyone can have children. Stop asking why someone doesn’t have a child. Do not assume people should have kids by a certain age or stage in their relationship. You have no idea if they are having trouble conceiving or if they just don’t want children and it is a very insensitive comment that seems to be something culture have normalised.

    If you do not feel ready or if you know you never want any children, you do not have to have them, no matter how much pressure society puts on you.

    You do not need to explain your choices to others.

    If you want children but cannot do so naturally, please know you have so many options. IVF, donors, surrogates, fostering, adoption. Again research, ask for guidance from family planning professionals and know you are not alone in your struggles.

    Pets

    Do you want a pet? Do you know how to look after a pet? Are you doing it to follow a trend or because everyone else has one or is it something you genuinely want in your life? Firstly, research the pet you want to make sure you can look after it, train it and give it the best life that it deserves. Secondly, you don’t just have the options of cats and dogs, you could get rabbits, reptiles, arachnids, fish, hamsters, gerbils, rats, farm animals, horses, insects, hedgehogs etc etc etc. There are SO many options. Pick the most suitable depending on your budget, living space, life style, location and what you are wanting from the pet.

    Friendships

    It is very rare that you will have the same friends in school as you do as an adult. Sadly through life you may lose a lot of your friends. This is something that happens naturally. However, knowing that does not make it any easier to lose someone. You may drift apart or move away. People change and this may cause friction. Just remember new people will enter your life as well as those leaving it.

    I hear it a lot that we are all the culmination of the 5 people we spend the most time with so make sure you are happy with your five and that they are going to help you grow towards your goals, if not you may have to spend less time with some of them and spend more time with mentors or those who can help you. This may seem selfish but when it comes to creating your dream life, you kind of have to be. Just don’t be a dick about it.

    What lies have you been told that you have proven wrong? How close to achieving your dreams are you since learning it was a lie?

    I hope this post helped to encourage you to be your authentic self. You are the only one who can be you and that is a wonderful thing.

  • Morning Routines

    Morning Routines

    Today I wanted to write a blog about morning routines. Almost every self development book I have read and podcast I have listened to talks about the importance of having a great routine for when you get up as it can set up your day in a very positive way when done well.

    Over the last 3 months I have started to implement more and more elements into my routines. Both my mornings and evenings. I will be honest, sometimes it doesn’t go according to my list. I’ve only had a few days where I have managed 100%. However, it takes a while to get into/out of habits and I am learning to be kinder to myself. It all requires patience.

    Lots of motivational speakers say habits take 21 days to form (or break if cutting out bad habits) but in a lot of cases it can take longer. I was listening to a podcast the other day which said on average it takes a person over 60 days to establish a habit fully. The plan is just to take it one step at a time, measure my progress and observe the differences.

    At the moment my morning routines (on a good day) consist of:

    • Waking up
    • Getting dressed for the day
    • Drinking some water (plus the ‘glow shot’ trio from Arbonne but I ran out recently and haven’t reodered yet)
    • Meditating for 10 minutes
    • Affirmations
    • Eating breakfast
    • Reading for 10-15 minutes – either The Happy News or a self development book
    • Writing in my gratitude journal
    • Preparing lunch and drinks for the day (on work days)
    • Get the bus to work and listen to podcasts on the journey

    What are your current morning routines?

    My original plan also involved exercise, showering and visualisations in the morning but I’ve not started getting up early enough for those additions yet. I am not a morning person so I’m easing myself in gradually to earlier and earlier mornings.

    Morning routines inspiration

    A huge influence on my want to have such a productive and positive start to my day was reading Hal Elrod’s Miracle Morning, and hearing so many of the self development podcasts talk about it as well. The biggest element of the book is about his life ‘S.A.V.E.R.S’ – Silence, Affirmations, Visualisations, Exercise, Reading and Scribing/writing.

    Do you already have any of these things in your daily routines?

    Visualisations is still something I haven’t really got my head around. If you have any tips or examples, please let me know.

    If you have read my other posts you may have guessed by now that I love reading self development books and listening to podcasts. I would love your recommendations.

    Also let me know if you start implementing any of these morning routines, if they have made a difference to your days or your mental attitude and what other inspirations have helped you get closer to living your dream life.